Random joke from this category
When the husband came home from his job, he found his wife crying.
- Your mother insulted me, very much - she sobbed.
- My mother? How could she do that when she's on a vacation on the other side of the world?
- I know. But this morning, a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it, because I was curious.
- And?
- At the end of the letter, it was written: P.S. Dear Catherine, when you've read this letter, don't forget to give it to my son.
A husband and wife were fighting about their sex life.
- You never even tell me when you're having an orgasm! - he yelled.
- How can I? - she shot back.
- You're never here!
My marriage is childless so far, except for my husband!
When we were dating, my husband used to always tell me those three magic words, "I love you". Now that we are married, those three magic words have become:
- What's for dinner?
When we were dating, my husband would gently rub me with hot oil while he affectionately called me lovely nicknames. Now that we are married, he gently rubs his car with hot wax, which now has its own pet nickname.
When we were dating, my husband would always love to watch me undress. Now that we are married, he loves to watch championship wrestling.
When we were dating, my husband read poetry to me as he caressed me in his arms late into the night. Now that we are married, he quotes me sports statistics and stock prices during breakfast.
When we were dating, my husband would passionately motivate and urge me on in whatever I did, whether it was at my job or during sex. Now that we are married, the only thing he passionately urges on is his favorite football team.
When we were dating, my husband would make love to me on his waterbed like a sex-starved wild beast who would go on and on. So we called the bed our "Ocean Of Motion Love Potion". Now that we are married, the bed has been renamed "The Dead Sea".
One way to live together and never have an argument is for both husband and wife to be hard-of-hearing... and to share the same hearing aid.
Sign seen on the back of a truck:
Driver carries no money, his wife has it!
What does SWM stand for in a personal column advertisement?
→ Sneaking While Married
Why don't most women ever tell their husbands when they're really enjoying sex?
→ Because their husbands are never there when it happens!
Why is sex with your spouse like a convenience store?
→ There's not much variety, but what else is open at three in the morning!
Besides "I love you", what three words does a wife want to hear most?
→ "I'll fix it."
