Random joke from this category
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed.
With a low voice he sad to his wife:
- When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones.
- No, I can't marry anyone after you.
- But I want you to.
- But why?
- Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!
Did you hear about the new men's magazine that caters exclusively to married men?
It's like Playboy or Penthouse magazine, except the centerfold is the same month after month after month...
It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives.
When they got to heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to be married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it and agreed, but said they would have to wait.
It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent for them. They were married in a simple ceremony.
So things went on, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time, that eternity was best not spent together.
They went back to St. Peter, and said:
- We thought we would be happy forever, but now we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is there any way we can get divorced?
- Are you kidding? - said St. Peter.
- It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marry you. I'll never get a lawyer!
As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife:
- I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them.
His wife looked at him calmly and said:
- Why do you think I gave you the poison?
An Australian, a Frenchman and an Italian are talking about married life.
- Italian: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in wine, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild.
- Frenchman: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in chocolate, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild.
- Aussie: When I finish making love to my wife, I get out of bed and wipe my dick on the curtains, and my wife...she goes wild!
- And you tell me several men proposed marriage to you - said the husband.
- Yes, several - the wife replied.
- Well I wish you had married the first fool who proposed.
- I did!
A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on the beach.
The marriage counselor told him:
- If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder.
During a fight, a husband threw a bowl of Jello at his wife.
She had him arrested for carrying a congealed weapon!
As a couple sat in the living room, watching TV, the phone rang.
The husband picked it up, listened for a moment and then screamed:
- Damn it! How should I know? Call the weather bureau! - and hung up.
- What was that all about? - wife asked.
- Awww, some idiot wanted to know whether the coast was clear!
A doctor rushed out of his study room.
- Get me my bag! - he shouted.
- Why, what's the matter? - inquired his pretty young wife.
- Some fellow just phoned and said he can't live without me - he gasped as he reached for his hat.
The young wife sighed.
- Just a moment - she said gently.
- I think that call was for me.
