Marriage Jokes — best jokes

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
→ Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
→ A widow.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
→ His wife is good at picking out clothes.

A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men.

He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day.

His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"

When Mr. Maxwell's wife left him he couldn't sleep.
"She took the bed!"

Marriage is nature's way of preventing people from fighting with strangers.

Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed.

- What's wrong?

The depressed one replied, "I've been married four times and everyone of my husbands has passed away."
The other lady asked, "What did they used to do?"
The depressed lady replied, "Well, my first husband was a millionaire, the second was a magician, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth was a mortician."
And the other said, "Oh, one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

Do you know what is honeymoon?
→ A short period of doting between dating and debting.

Why should a honeymoon only be six days?
→ Because seven days makes a whole week.

What is honeymoon?
→ That brief span of time between, "I do" and "You'd better!"