Language Jokes — best jokes

Monica walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy: "I've got another dress for you to clean."

Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?"

"No," says Monica. "Mustard!"

What's the biggest pencil in the World?
→ Pennsylvania!

That was Zen, this is Tao.

Do you know why David killed Goliath and then decapitated him?
→ He wanted to get a-head!

Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lessor known ones...

The grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia ........ U. Gogh
The brother who bleached all his clothes white .. Hue Gogh
The sister who wore a mini skirt to dance in bars ... Go Gogh
The real obnoxious brother .......... Please Gogh
The brother who ate prunes ............ Gotta Gogh
The uncle who worked at a convenience store ....... Stop N Gogh
His dizzy aunt ............. Verti Gogh
The cousin that moved to Illinois ......... Chicah Gogh
His magician uncle .............. Wherediddy Gogh
The cousin who lived in Mexico .......... Amee Gogh
Another cousin who lived in Mexico ......... Green Gogh
Nephew that drove a stage coach .......... Wells Far Gogh
Aunt who was a good dancer .............. Tan Gogh

- Knock Knock!

- Who's There?

- Dwayne.

- Dwayne Who?

- Dwayne The Bathtub and I'm Dwowning!

- Knock Knock

- Whos there?

- Luke

- Luke who?

- Look through the keyhole and you will find out!

What does an army general kiss under at christmas?
→ Missile toe

There once was a snail that wanted to buy a Nissan Z car.

So, he went to a dealership and bought a car. "But," he said to the salesperson, "I would like my car personalized. Would it be possible to have the "Z" replaced with an "S"?" The dealer said yes, and it was done.

And, as the snail raced around the city in his brand new car, everyone would see, "Wow, look at that S-car-go."

"Bloody Stump" by: Rusty Zipper
"Sliding Down a Flagpole" by: Dick Burns
"Brown Spots on the Wall" By: Whoflung Dung