Language Jokes — best jokes

There are four guys in the park who get arrested for blowing bubbles. In the court room one guy comes in, the judge says, "who are you and what are you charged with"??

"I'm duck and i got charged for blowing bubbles in the park".

2nd one comes in, "who are you and what are you charged with"?

"I'm duck duck and i was charged for blowing bubbles in the park".

3rd one comes in. "Who are you and what were you charged with"?

"I'm duck duck duck and i was charged for blowing bubbles in the park".

4th one comes in judge says "let me guess, your duck duck duck duck, and charged for blowing bubbles in the park?"

"NO, he says...

I'm bubbles!!".

Peter and Jim were partners in a profitable painting-contracting business. Unfortunately, they weren't entirely honest, because they mixed their paint with water.

One day Jim's conscience started to bother him as they painted a poor widow's house. The next day Jim told Peter he just couldn't be dishonest anymore.

"Don't quit now," Peter begged. "A few more jobs and we can retire."

Jim refused to change his mind.

"Peter," he said. "I just can't do it. Last night an angel stood by my bed and said - 'Repaint, repaint... you thinner.'"

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil-worshipper?
→ He sold his soul to Santa!

- Knock Knock...

- Who's There?

- Boo...

- Boo Who?

- Stop crying it's just a joke!

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
→ Unique up on him.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
→ Tame way, unique up on him.

Two Boll Weevils grew up in South Carolina, one went to Hollywood and became a famous actor while the other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.

The second one, naturally, became known as the "lesser of two weevils."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the hotel manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal' while the other goes to a family in Spain and is named 'Juan'. Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds...

"But they are twins and if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal."

A Doctor made it his regular habit to stop at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the Doctor's drink waiting for him at precisely 5:03 PM. One afternoon, as the end of the workday approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The Doctor came in and took a sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"

"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender...

"It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."

Two pieces of string walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bar and says, "Barkeep! Give me a beer!"

The bartender replies, "Well uh..aren't you a piece of string?"

The piece of string answers, "Yeah!"

And the bartender says, "Well get out of here! We don't serve your kind!"

So the first piece of string walks back towards the door. The second piece of string says, "Hey wait, hold on a minute!" "You're not doing it right, watch this." He ties himself in a knot and frizzes out the top of his head. He walks up to the bar and says "Barkeep! Give me a beer!"

The bartender said "Aren't you a piece of string?"

The piece of strings replies, "Nope, I'm afraid not!"