Language Jokes — best jokes

- Can you read Chinese?

- Yes, but only when it's printed in English.

A couple of hunters from Prague are out hunting, and an emormous bear runs up and in a single gulp devours one of the hunters.
Miraculously, the swallowed hunter remained alive, trapped in the belly of the grizzly.
The other hunter runs back to town and organizes a rescue party which heads back to the woods armed with torches, guns, spears, etc.

Soon they spot two bears on the horizon and everybody starts shooting at the bear that's closest to them.

"No, not that one," shouts the surviving hunter, "That's the female."

"The Czech is in the male."

Why are Saturday and Sunday so strong?
→ Because the rest are weekdays.

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

What did the hat say to the necktie?
→ You go AHEAD I'll HANG AROUND!

Why did the haunted house not like rain?
→ Because it dampened his spirits.

What did Snow white say when her photos didn't come back from the photo store?
→ "Some day my prints will come!"

So the bus driver said to the string, "Are you a string?" and the string said, "No, I'm afraid not". (A frayed knot).

What's black, white and read all over?
→ A newspaper.

What's the difference between a sigh, a car and a monkey?
→ A sigh is oh, dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you, dear.