Language Jokes — best jokes

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.
He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.
All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, "An 'R'! They left out the 'R'."
God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R' ... the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!"

What do they call pastors in Germany?
→ German Shepherds.

Definition:
Politics Poli (Poly):
Many.... Tic(k)s: Blood sucking creatures

- MOTHER PIG: What did you learn in school today?

- FIRST PIGLET: Oink! Oink!

- SECOND PIGLET: Oink! Oink!

- THIRD PIGLET: Woof! Woof!

- MOTHER PIG: What?

- THIRD PIGLET: I'm taking a foreign language.

Did you hear about the classical pianist who was not a good speller? When she went out to buy something she left a sign on her door that said: "Out Chopin. Be Bach in a minuet"

What's the definition of a narrow squeak?
→ A thin mouse!

Why did the man throw away all the new pennies he had?
→ Because they were a nuisance (new cents).

Why isn't a dime worth as much today as it used to be?
→ Because the dimes (times) have changed.

Where can you always find money?
→ In the dictionary.

An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is a savage" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is a savage."

The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is a savage."