Kids Jokes — best jokes

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.

The doctor says:

- Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?

The mother says:

- It's my daughter Darla, she keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight and is sick most mornings.

The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and says:

- Well, I don't know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant - about 4 months would be my guess.

The mother says:

- Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Darla?

Darla says:

- No mother! I've never even kissed a man!

The doctor walks over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says:

- Is there something wrong out there doctor?

The doctor replies:

- No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!

A little girl and her mother are walking through a park and see two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl asks her mother what they're are doing. After a moments hesitation, the mother replies:

- They're making cakes.

The next day the little girl and her mother go to the zoo. The little girl sees two monkeys having sex, and again asks her mother what they are doing. The mother again uses the same answer:

- They're making cakes.

The next morning the little girl says to her mother:

- Mummy, You and Daddy were making cakes on the lounge last night.

The Mother replies:

- How do you know?

The girl says:

- I licked the icing off the sofa!

Why did the little girl bury her flashlight?
→ Because the batteries died.

My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said:

- Would you like to say the blessing?

- I wouldn't know what to say - she replied.

- Just say what you hear Mommy say - my wife instructed.

Our daughter bowed her head and said:

- Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner!

One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mother's hair and sadly said:

- Why is some of your hair white mommy?

The mother replied:

- Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turn white.

The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said:

- Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?

A kid, just getting home from school runs up to his dad:

- Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that can count to ten. Why do you rec'un so?

- Why that's because your from Kentucky son. - The dad responses.

The next day the kid gets home from school:

- Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that knows all the letters in the alphabet. Why do you rec'un so?

- That's because you're from Kentucky son. - The dad tells him again.

The next day the kid busts through the door:

- Daddy. daddy! I'm the only one in school who has a large penis, is that because I'm from Kentucky?

The dad looks at him and says:

- No that's because you're 22.

There was this 8 year old kid who lived with his 82 year old grandma. He had been living with her for some time, and he thought, that with all the work she does, he could at least make her a cup of coffee in the morning. So he woke up early one day, and made a cup of coffee and brought it to his grandma. She took one drink of it and died instantly.

He called 911, and the paramedics rushed over there. While examining the grandma, one of the paramedics pulls out a little plastic green soldier from her throat. After the paramedic learns that the kid made her coffee and put that soldier in there, of course, the first question is "why".

The kid answered:

- Grandma always said, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'!

- Knock Knock...

- Who's There?

- Boo...

- Boo Who?

- Stop crying it's just a joke!

Let a pig and a boy have everything they want, and you'll get a good pig and a bad boy.

Little Johnny has a question, so he goes around the house to find his father. He opens his dad's bedroom door and finds his mom and dad humping away on the bed!

- Dad! - says Johnny

- What are you doing!

Johhny's father stops humping for a second and says:

- Well, Johnny, I'm playing poker...and your mother's the wild card.

- Oh - says Johnny and he leaves the room.

Still in need of an answer to his question, Little Johnny set out to look for his big brother, Ernie. He opens his brother's bedroom door and finds Ernie and his sister Thelma humping away!

- Ernie! - cried Johnny

- What are you doing!.

Ernie stops humping for a second and says:

- Well... I'm playing poker, Johnny... and Thelma is the wildcard.

- Oh - says Johnny and he leaves the room.

Later, Johnny's dad approached Johnny's room to call him to dinner. He opens Johnny's bedroom door and finds Johnny wacking off like it was going out of style!

- Johnny! - his father said

- I see you're playing poker, but where's your wildcard?

Johnny replies:

- With a hand like this, who needs a wildcard!