Kids Jokes — best jokes

What is a collie puppy's favorite toy?
→ A chew-chew train!

Why are Chihuahuas such good bedtime storytellers?
→ They have short tales!

Why was the mother flea so unhappy?
→ All her children had gone to the dogs.

Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children a dachshund?
→ He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.

- Small girl: I'd buy that dog, but his legs are too short!

- Clerk: Too short? Why, all four of them touch the floor.

- Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?

- Nurse: No change yet.

The seven-year old girl told her mom:

- A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.

- Oh, dear - the mother nervously sighed.

- What happened, honey?

- Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.

Ralph was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager:

- How much is that new Barbie in the window?

The Manager replied:

- Which one? We have Barbie goes to the gym for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie goes shopping for $19.95, Barbie goes to the beach for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Nightclub for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $375.00.

- Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?!? - Ralph asked surprised.

The Manager replies:

- Well, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture.

One day there was two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running.
The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend:

- My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran.

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping:

- Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

- God Almighty! - shouted Mary, and the teacher said:

- Very good, and Mary fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary:

- Who is our Lord and Savior, but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue, and stuck her again.

- Jesus Christ! - shouted Mary, and the teacher said:

- Very good, and Mary fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question:

- What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted:

- If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!