Kids Jokes — best jokes

One day, little Mikey comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom.
He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking. Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong. Mikey watches, and after a couple of minutes asks:

- Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsy ride?

- Of course, Son, we're a family.

So Mikey climbs on and after a few more minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly.

- Hang on Dad! - cries Mikey - this is where me and the mailman usually fall off!

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying:

- I know the whole truth.

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says:

- I know the whole truth.

His mother quickly hands him $20 and says:

- Just don't tell your father.

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with:

- I know the whole truth.

The father promptly hands him $40 and says:

- Please don't say a word to your mother.

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying:

- I know the whole truth.

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says:

- Then come give your real father a big hug.

One day a man was sleeping and the neighbor's little girl entered his house, woke him up and said:

- What is that between your legs?

He replied that is:

- my bird.

He went back to sleep.
She came back later and said:

- What's that furry stuff around your bird?

He replied that's:

- my nest.

So he went back to sleep.
She came back later:

- What's those two things under it?

He said those are:

- the eggs.

She said:

- Okay, can I play with your bird, and he said:

- ok.

When he woke up later, he noticed that he was in the hospital. He saw the little girl and asked:

- what happened?

She said:

- When I was playing with your bird he spit in my eye so I chopped off his head, burnt down his nest and busted his eggs!

What game did the dentist play when she was a child?
→ Caps and robbers

Fred's mother was on the telephone to the boy's dentist.

- I don't understand it - she complained - I thought his treatment would only cost me $20, but you've charged me $80.

- It is usually $20, ma'am - agreed the dentist - but Fred yelled so loudly that three of my other patients ran away!

What did the little kid do with the dead battery?
→ He buried it.

- Why are you crying Fred? - asked the teacher.

- 'Cos my parrot died last night. I washed it in Wisk. . .

- Fred - said the teacher.

- You must have known that Wisk's bad for parrots.

- Oh it wasn't the Wisk that killed it, sir. It was the tumble drier.

- Teacher: If I had ten flies on my desk, and I swatted one, how many flies would be left?

- Girl: One - the dead one!

Why did the little kid dance on the jar of jam?
→ Because the top said:

- Twist to open.

A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes:

- Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new...

He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.

He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again:

- Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new...

He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes:

- Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again...