Random joke from this category
"Can I have some two-handed cheese, please?" a man in a restaurant asked the waiter.
"What do you mean, 'two-handed cheese'?" asked the waiter.
"You know, the kind you eat with one hand and hold your nose with the other."
At our local restaurant you can eat dirt cheap - but who wants to eat dirt?
- Customer: This is a wonderful restaurant. I ordered salad and I got the freshest salad in the world, I ordered coffee, and I got the freshest coffee in the world.
- Friend: I know - I ordered a small steak and got a calf.
Jane's father decided to take all the family out to a restaurant for a meal. As he'd spent quite a lot of money for the meal he said to the waiter, "Could I have a bag to take the leftovers home for the dog?"
"Gosh!" exclaimed Jane, "Are we getting a dog?"
Why was the restaurant called "Out of this World"?
→ Because it was full of Unidentified Frying Objects.
A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait.
"Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says.
The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"
The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."
The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says, "Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . . "
How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.
How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a light bulb?
→ "Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've just cashed up."
What is the meaning of life?
→ All evidence to date suggests it's chocolate.
Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven.
"Hungry, Seymour?" the Lord asked.
"I could eat," said Seymour.
The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it.
While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka.
The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again said, "I could eat."
Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy, and chocolates.
The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened.
Meekly, Seymour said, "Lord, I am very happy to be be in heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna. But in the Other Place, they eat like Kings. I just don't understand."
"To be honest, Seymour," the Lord said, "for just two people, does it pay to cook?"
