Food Jokes — best jokes

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

How do you make a hot dog stand?
→ Steal its chair.

Did you hear that in New York State, the Stop And Shop grocery chain merged with the A & P?

Yup..now they call it the...

Stop & P.

What do you see when the pillsbary dough boy bends over?
→ Doughnuts

Did you hear that Betty Crocker passed away.

The funeral is set at 4:50 for ten to fifteen minutes.

A man eating at restaurant says to his waiter, 'waiter, there's a fly in my soup!' The waiter replies, 'That, sir, is entirely possible, you see our cook used to be a tailor.'

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger.

The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"

The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"

Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and tosses it on the grill.

The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!"

The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in the morning when he makes the doughnuts!"

How do you cook vegatables in the microwave?
→ Take them out their wheelchair.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
→ Anyone can roast beef.

Two starving homeless men are walking down an empty street in a quiet town. they spy a dead horse on the side of the road and run towards it. the first man begins to eat the horse, but the second man refuses, saying only that he will wait. after the first man has eaten his fill they continue on down the road. eventually the first man gets sick from the horse meat and throws it up. the second man pulls out a napkin from his pocket and exclaims as he sits down: "now THIS is what i've been waiting for! a hot meal!"