Farming Jokes — best jokes

How do you fit more pigs on your farm?
→ Build a sty-scraper!

- FARMER: Who raided my vegetable patch?

- PIGLET: Beets me!

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening.

"Who's the boss around here?" he asked.

"I am." said the man.

"I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?"

The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one."

"No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said.

"Here's your chicken." said the farmer.

What's the hardest part of milking a mouse?
→ Getting it to fit over a bucket!

- Farmer: What would you do if a bull charged you?

- Mary: I'd pay whatever it charged.

Why did your sister feed money to her cow?
→ Because she wanted to get rich milk.

A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"

"Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."

A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.

A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died."

"Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends."

"Nope," said the farmer, "we all just want to buy his mule."

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife:
"When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."

- Wife: No, I can't marry anyone after you.

- Johnson: But I want you to.

- Wife: But why?

- Johnson: Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!

How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?
→ Only one if you run him through slowly!