Ethnic — best jokes

How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas?
→ They all gather around their cash registers and sing "What a Friend We Have In Jesus..."

What's long and hard that a Greek bride gets on her wedding night?
→ A new last name.

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, an Aussie, an Abo, a Yank, an African, an elephant, a refrigerator, two blondes, a homosexual, three social workers, a Jew, a crocodile and a kiwi all walked into a bar.

The bartender turned around and said, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

This black guy is walking along a beach when he looks down and sees an antique lamp. Thinking that he'll get enough money for another vial of crack, he takes the bottle home and starts to clean it. He starts rubbing the lamp, when all of a sudden a Jewish genie appears, and being a Jewish genie, he say's to the nigger that he have two wishes. The black guy thinks for a couple of seconds, and quickly says: "I want to be white and surrounded by cunt."

In an instant he is turned into a tampon.

Now the morale of this story is: Don't ever expect anything from a Jew without strings attached.

An Australian joke...

St Peter is standing at the pearly gates one day when a pair of Abo's stroll up.

"Your names aren't on today's list... let me go and ask the Boss" he says.

In God's office he tells the Big Man all about the two Abo's, and God tells Peter to go and tell them to fuck right off.

St Peter takes his leave. 5 minutes later St Peter runs back into the room and says "they're gone"

God says "the Abo's? Good". and St Peter replies... "NO THE PEARLY GATES!!!".

Why do Jews wear yarmulkes?
→ Because the little propellers cost extra!

If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?
→ A fur coat.

Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years?
→ Somebody dropped a shekel.

A girl sat sobbing in the police station. "I was raped by an Italian," she wailed.

"How do you know it was an Italian?" the detective asked.

"I had to help him," the girl replied.

There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs of a lonely beach, with a rope going down into the surf and a Chinaman frantically trying to climb up.

While they were sitting there a Priest walks along, looks over and says, "God bless you children, that's Christianity at work. May the lord bless you both," and then kept on walking.

One bloke looks at the other, "Who the fuck was that?" "Oh," said the other bloke, "that's Father Johnston. He knows all there is about the bible."

The other bloke looked around and quickly says, "Well he knows fuck all about shark fishing."