Dumb Jokes — best jokes
Insult Collection 5
Yours was an unnatural birth you came from a human being.
You have nothing to fear from my base instincts its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.
It's your life -- but I wish you'd let us have it.
Hey, act your age -- senile!
I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
You're the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you.
In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him."
We know you could not live without us. We'll pay for the funeral.
We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.
Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?
The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.
When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents.
Insult Collection 6
We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!!
We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven".
You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure.
I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
Is your name Amazon? You're so wide at the mouth.
You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it!
A dope you are and dope will remain. Completely unlike cocaine. You add to, not diminish, pain!
We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?
Your family tree is good, but you are the sap.
We all spring from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.
It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up.
Lets play house. You be the door and I'll slam you.
Insult Collection 8
For two cents, I'd give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours.
You are the only person I've ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time!
You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth!
I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed so he had you thrown out of his office.
I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes!
You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.
You started at the bottom -- and it's been downhill ever since.
You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.
I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.
I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork.
I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
Insult Collection 9
You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.
I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
In the next life, you'll blaze a way for us.
You are master in your own house -- the doghouse!
When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.
You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime.
Believe me, I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?
I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla.
Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.
Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadn't.
People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears.
Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly.
Insult Collection 10
Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?
I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?
You have an inferiority complex -- and it's fully justified.
You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse!
Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
Whom am I calling "stupid"? I don't know. What's your name?
Take a vacation go to Club Dead.
Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.
You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.
You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime.
You grow on people -- like a wart!
Insult Collection 11
You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant.
You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough.
If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.
I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you.
You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.
You're a habit I'd like to kick with both feet!!
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure.
You've never been outspoken no one has ever been able to.
At your speed, you'd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium.
If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny.
Don't you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull?
Insult Collection 12
What's the latest dope -- besides you?
I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture.
You don't believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself.
When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound.
Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot.
If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, I'm glad.
You were born because your mother didn't believe in abortion now she believes in infanticide.
I admire you because I've never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief, and a cheat.
You're acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would.
You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it!
You never strike out blindly you fail in the light.
They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
Insult Collection 13
We know that you would give your life for us. Promise!
When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I'll say it was your stupidity.
Well, I'll see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much.
Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach.
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.
I'll never forget the first time we met -- although, I'll keep trying.
You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, you'll do.
If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldn't say hello, I'd say boo!
I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you.
Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too.
I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly.
Insult Collection 14
I've hated your looks from the stare they gave me.
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more!
Someone took a photo of you once, but it didn't turn out. You could be seen too clearly.
So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word] a long time ago.
You should do some soul-searching. Maybe you'll find one.
The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you.
I hear you were born on April 2 a day too late!
I hope you never get a tetanus shot maybe you'll windup with lockjaw.
I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane!
If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move?
Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?
Insult Collection 15
If you were a swine, you would be what you are now!
You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early.
A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.
You're nobody's fool. Let's see if we can get someone to adopt you.
They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did?
You're very smart. You have brains you never used.
You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
Eventually, you will get what you asked for.
Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick?
You are so dishonest that I can't even be sure that what you tell me are lies!
You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face!
You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!!
