Dumb Jokes — best jokes

Charley wanted to buy Farley a birthday cake, but he couldn't figure out how to get the cake in the typewriter so he could type 'Happy Birthday'

There were these two Engineers who decided they would go moose hunting in the backwoods of British Columbia. As it happened, they lucked out and got a moose. Unfortunately, they were about a mile from their truck. They were having a tough time dragging the animal by the hind legs when a Wildlife Biologist happened upon them.

He said, "You know, the hair follicles on a moose have a grain to them that causes the hair to lie toward the back.
The way you are dragging that moose, it increases your coefficient of friction by a huge margin. If you grab it by the antlers and pull, you will find the work required to be quite minimal."

The Engineers thanked him and started dragging the moose by the antlers. After about an hour, one Engineer said, "I can't believe how easy it is to move this moose this way. I sure am glad we ran across that Biologist."

"Yeah.", said the other. "But we're getting further and further away from our truck."

A logger is driving down the highway and sees two botanists trying to measure the height of a small pine tree.
Their tape measure is not long enough so one botanist stands on the shoulders of the other and attempts to extend the tape to the tree top but it is not long enough. While trying, he falls to the ground. They attempt this about five times and each time the top botanist falls. The logger is laughing but feels sorry for the pair, gets out of his truck, takes out an electric saw and cuts down the tree.
The botanists are looking at him like he is crazy. He then takes a tape measure and measures the tree. "OK guys, the tree is 14' 6."
He then gets in his truck and drives away. The two botanists are stunned and speechless. Finally one says to the other, "How do you like that, we are trying to measure the height of the tree and that stupid jerk measures the width."

Why did the silly boy take his bicycle to bed with him?
→ Because he didn't want to walk in his sleep.

I woke up, went for a walk, my head fell off and rolled away. I picked it up and put it on. A child walked up to me and said: "Good grief, where are your feet?"
I must have left them in bed!

- They say Margaret is a raving beauty.

- You mean she's escaped from the funny farm?

- Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

- Fred: Where are you going to keep them?

- Stan: In the bathroom

- Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?

- Stan: Blindfold them!

Two small time thieves had been sent by the Big Boss to steal a van load of goods from a bathroom suppliers. One stayed in the van as look out and the other went into the storeroom.
Fifteen minutes went by, then half an hour, then an hour, and no sign of him. The look out finally grew impatient and went to look for his partner. Inside the store the two came face to face. "Where have you been?" demanded the worried look out. "The boss told me to take a bath, but I couldn't find the soap and a towel."

- Are you going to take a bath?

- No, I'm leaving it where it is.

Did you hear about the idiot who had a new bath put in?
The plumber said, "Would you like a plug for it?"

The idiot replied, "Oh, I didn't know it was electric."