Random joke from this category
A ventriloquist working down South, is confronted by a theater patron during his show. The hick stands up and yells, "HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You been making smart-ass remarks about us southerners being stupid all night long!
We're not all stupid ya know!"
"Relax," said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!"
"Shut up, buddy," the hick replied, "I'm talking to that little bastard sitting on your knee!"
How many Poles does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ I don't know. I havn't find one that could do it yet.
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.
The Redneck says "I want my $20 million."
To which the man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."
The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it."
Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20 million "right now," THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!!"
What did the mongoloid say to his dog?
→ Downsyndrome!!
Did you hear about the Polish Navy's tragic accident?
→ A hundred and thirty-seven sailors drowned trying to push-start their new submarine.
A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the mental abilities of their wives. The Canadian says, "You know my wife must be the most stupid woman in the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of meat, and we don't even have a freezer!" The Scotsman says, "That's nothing! My wife went out last week and bought a brand new $30,000 car, and she can't even drive!" Not to be out done, the Aussie says, "My wife is a lot dumber than that! Last week she left for a two week holiday in Paris and I saw her pack 20 condoms! Hell, she doesn't even have a penis!"
Did you hear about the hillbilly who went into the hardware store to buy a chain saw?
He said I want one that will cut down at least 10 trees a day.
He was back at the hardware store with the saw a couple days later complaining that it only cut one tree and that took all day.
The clerk at the hardware store started the saw to see what the problem was.
The hillbilly jumped back and said what the hell is that noise?
Four Mexicans were in an open truck that had run into the lake.
The two in the front seat escaped unharmed, but the two in the back bed drowned - they couldn't get the tailgate open!
State of Kentucky 12th Grade Reading Test
TEST #1
MR Ducks
MR Knot
SAR
CM Wangs
LIB
MR Ducks
TEST #2
MR Snakes
MR Knot
SAR
CM BDI's
LIB
MR Snakes
TEST #3
MR Farmers
MR Knot
SAR
CMMT Pockets
LIB
MR Farmers
TEST #4
MR Mice
MR Knot
SAR
CMEDBD Feet
LIB
MR Mice
Name:
Nickname:
CB Handle:
Model: Color:
Address (RFD No.):
Daddy (If unknown, list 3 suspects):
Mamma:
Neck Shade:
[ ] Light Red / [ ] Medium Red / [ ] Dark Red
Number of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper Lower
Name of Pickup owned:
Height of Truck:
Truck equipped with:
[ ] Gun Rack / [ ] 4-Wheel Drive / [ ] Confederate Flag / [ ] 8-Track Cassettes / [ ] Load of Wood / [ ] Hijacker Shocks / [ ] Radar Detector / [ ] Mag Wheels / [ ] Dual CB Antennas / [ ] Spittoon / [ ] Camper Top / [ ] Air Horns / [ ] Mud Flaps / [ ] Toothpick Holder / [ ] Mud-Grip Tires / [ ] Raccoon Hide / [ ] Big Dog / [ ] Hunting Rifle
Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup truck:
BUMPER STICKERS:
[ ] Eat more Possum
[ ] My other car is a piece of shit too
[ ] Honk if you love Jesus
[ ] If you ain't a cowboy you aint shit
[ ] Redman Chewing Tobacco
[ ] Wave if you're horny
[ ] Don't Like My Driving? Dial 1-800-Eat-Shit
[ ] If You Can Read This, Then You's Too Smart For Kentucky
[ ] I Brake For Nuthin'
[ ] National Rifle Association
Define the following (must be 90% correct):
Favorite Vocalist:
[ ] Reba McEntire / [ ] Conway Twitty / [ ] Loretta Lynn / [ ] Hank Williams Jr. / [ ] Randy Travis / [ ] Ray Wylie Hubbard / [ ] Tammy Wynette / [ ] Slim Whitman / [ ] Porter Wagoner / [ ] Willie Nelson / [ ] George Jones / [ ] Box Car Willie
Favorite Recreation:
[ ] Square Dancin' / [ ] Possum Huntin' / [ ] Skinny Dippin' / [ ] Craw Daddin' / [ ] Gospel Singin' / [ ] 4-Wheelin' / [ ] Drankin' / [ ] Spittin' Backy / [ ] Bill Chip Throwin' / [ ] Honky Tonkin' / [ ] Noodlin' / [ ] Other
Name of Son(s):
[ ] Bubba / [ ] Jim Bob / [ ] LeeRoy / [ ] J.D. / [ ] Bill Lee / [ ] Bob Lee / [ ] Duke
Name of Daughter(s):
[ ] PammySue / [ ] Violet / [ ] Paulette / [ ] Daisy
Weapons Owned:
[ ] Deer Rifle / [ ] Sawed-Off Shotgun / [ ] Varmit Rifle / [ ] Log Cabin / [ ] Tire Iron / [ ] Power Chain Saw / [ ] Pick Handle / [ ] Hick'ry Switch
Number of Dogs: Type:
[ ] Blue Tick / [ ] Beagle / [ ] Black & Tan / [ ] Bird Dawg
Cap Emblem:
[ ] John Deer / [ ] McCullock Chain Saws / [ ] Budweiser / [ ] Vo-Tech / [ ] Skoal / [ ] Coors / [ ] NAPA / [ ] Smile if You're Not Wearing Underwear / [ ] N.R.A. / [ ] Redman / [ ] Kodiak
Number of Dependends: Legal: Claimed:
Number of Weeks Unemployed:
Number of Welfare Checks Received:
Memberships:
[ ] KKK / [ ] NRA / [ ] Moose / [ ] PTL Club / [ ] AA / [ ] Bass Club / [ ] VFW / [ ] Quiltin' Bee / [ ] American Legion / [ ] United Sons/Daughters of the Confederacy / [ ] John Birch Society
Length of Right leg: Length of Left leg:
Number of Testicles Shot off in 'Nam: Number of Testicles Left:
Does your truck contain some part painted the offical state color of Primer Red? [ ] Yes [ ] No
How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your front yard?
How many kitchen appliances will you keep on your front porch?
Will you wear mostly double-knit polyester pants with snags?
Do you own any shoes? [ ] Yes [ ] No If yes, how many?
What year did you last purchase shoes?
Are you married to any of the following: [ ] Sister / [ ] Cousin / [ ] Sow
Do you know her name?
Does your wife weigh more than your pickup?
Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time?
Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend?
If so, why?
Can you count:
Past 10 with your shoes on?
To 21 with your fly up?
Do you know any words that have more than four letters?
Have you ever had more than one bath in a week?
Medical Information:
Do you have at least two of the following:
[ ] BO / [ ] Crabs / [ ] Head Lice / [ ] Rabies / [ ] Trench Mouth / [ ] Runny Nose / [ ] Bad Breath / [ ] Chafing
IF YOUR APPLICATION IS TURNED DOWN BY THE STATE OF KENTUCKY, YOU MAY BE ELIGIBLE IN THE STATES OF TEXAS, OKLAHOMA, OR ARKANSAS. THEIR STANDARDS ARE SLIGHTLY LOWER, HOWEVER, YOU WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO VISIT KENTUCKY.
