Dirty Jokes — best jokes

One day a man was sleeping and the neighbor's little girl entered his house, woke him up and said, "What is that between your legs?" He replied that is "my bird." He went back to sleep.
She came back later and said, "What's that furry stuff around your bird?" He replied that's "my nest." So he went back to sleep.
She came back later. "What's those two things under it?" He said those are "the eggs." She said, "Okay, can I play with your bird," and he said "ok." When he woke up later, he noticed that he was in the hospital. He saw the little girl and asked, "what happened?" She said, "When I was playing with your bird he spit in my eye so I chopped off his head, burnt down his nest and busted his eggs!"

A father, mother, and son were going to Europe and were going to visit the nude beaches while they were there. They didn't want the son to get a distorted view of beauty, so they told him that the men with really big dicks were really really dumb, and that the woman with really big tits were really really dumb.
When they got to the beach they split up. Later the mother saw the son and asked where his dad was. The boy said, "Well, the last time I saw him he was talking to this really, really, really dumb blond, and the longer they talked the dumber he got."

What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
→ A cock that stays up all night.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
→ Because they have cotton balls.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
→ If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts.

Are birth control pills deductible?
→ Only if they don't work.

How do you know you're leading a sad life?
→ When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
→ So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Why do men masturbate?
→ It's sex with someone they love.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
→ Hold unto your nuts-This is no ordinary Blow Job!