Random joke from this category
A sailor and a marine are taking a piss at a public restroom. The marine finishes first and washes his hands. The sailor just walks to the exit. So the marine says to him:
- Hey, in the marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss.
- Yeah well, in the navy they teach us to not piss on our hands.
This guy walks in to a bathroom. There is a hole in the wall, and a sign that says "put your dick in here, we'll do what your wife does for you". So the guy puts his dick in there, and they sew a button on it.
What would you call a virgin on a water bed?
→ A cherry float!
Jessica was toweling off in front of the mirror when she noticed a few gray pubic hairs. She bent down and said to her privates... "I know you haven't been getting much lately...but I didn't know you were so worried about it!"
A man walks in to a doctors office and says, "Doctor you must help me. I have AIDS." The doctor replies, "Are you gay?" The man answers "yes." The doctor says, "I think I can help. Go to the grocery store, buy a box of laxatives and a quart of prune juice.
Take ALL of the laxatives and drink ALL of the prune juice. Take a nap for a couple of hours. When you wake up your problem will be solved." The man answers, "Will that cure my AIDS?" The doctor replies, "No, but you will find out what your ass hole is really for!"
If a light sleeper sleeps lighter with the light on, does a hard sleeper sleep harder with a hard on?
I recently tried some of these new 'flavoured' condoms. I bought one of each flavour they had, and tried each one in turn every time i got a shag. My girlfriend likes to lick each one before i insert it in her, just to see what flavour i was wearing.
The first night she said "Mmmmm, Cherry flavour", The second night she said "Mmmmm, Mint flavour", The third night she said "Mmmmm, Strawberry flavour", and so on, until we had reached the final flavour, and she said "Mmmmm, Cheese flavour"
"Cheese flavour ??" i said "I haven't put one on yet!"
Two dwarfs pick up two hookers and take them to their hotel rooms.
The first dwarf not only can't get a hard-on, but all night he has to listen to the other dwarf and the other hooker grunting, "One, two three, uhh... one, two three, uhh..."
In the morning, the second dwarf says to the first dwarf, "So how was it?"
The first dwarf says, "It sucked. I couldn't get a hard-on all night."
The second dwarf says, "You think that's bad? I couldn't even get up on the fucking bed."
The horny midget found that the best way to make time with women was to be direct about it. So he went up to the tallest blondest woman at the party and said, "Hey, honey, whaddaya say to a little fuck?"
She looked down at him and promptly replied, "Hello, you little fuck!"
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common?
→ They both have balls just for decoration.
