Dirty Jokes — best jokes

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.

The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?

So he tells his clerk:

- If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes.

Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the guy.

About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.

- Did you follow him? Where did he go? - asks the pharmacist.

The clerk replies:

- Your house.

These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone's front lawn.

- Look - he shouts - What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?

The passenger, being a man of the world, replies:

- They are having sex. Don't tell me that you have never had sex doggie style before?

The driver, a bit embarrassed, admits that he has never had sex doggie style. So the passenger says:

- You have to try it. Its pretty cool. Here's what you do. Tonight when you get home, fix your wife a margarita and then suggest that you want to try this new sexual position.

The driver thinks a bit and then decides he will give it a try. The next morning, the two commuters are back in the car and the passenger asks:

- Well, how did it go?

To which the driver replies:

- It was great. But it took me 6 Margaritas just to get her on the front lawn.

What's the difference between a transvestite sailor and Monica Lewinsky's wardrobe?
→ When you have a transvestite sailor, you have a dress on a seaman.

What's the difference between a regular toad and a horney toad?
→ A regular toad croaks "Ribbit Ribbit" while a horney toad croaks "Rub-it Rub-it"

Why was Raggedy Ann thrown out of the toy store?
→ She was caught sitting on Pinocchio's face and shouting "Lie lie lie!"

Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea.

- I call my man 'Eight,' - said the first woman, - Because he's got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.

The second woman said in response:

- I call my man 'Ten' because his dong is ten inches long, and we do it ten times every night.

The first woman then asked the third woman:

- What do you call your man?

She answered:

- 'Creme de Menthe.'

- Why? Isn't that a liqueur? - the other two wanted to know.

- Yep, it is, - said the woman, continuing, - yeah, you betcha!

How can a man tell when his sperm count is elevated?
→ His girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

This joke sucks....

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says:

- I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear:

- Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?

It was a somber day in Disney land, Mickey And Minnie were in divorce court.. The judge was about to make his decision he said:

- Im sorry mickey, I cant grant you a divorce based on your statement that Minnie has prominant teeth

Mickey retorted:

- I DIDNT SAY SHE had prominent teeth, I SAID SHE WAS FUCKING GOOFY!!

How do you clean a condom?
→ Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it!