Dirty Jokes — best jokes

Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets?
→ To smell like big girls.

Why do women have arms?
→ Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?

The Makers of Viagra are announcing that they have developed a pill to increase lubrication in females. The pill will be called Niagra.

Her father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San Francisco to Washington.

- For gods sake! - he screamed:

- Someone could have attacked you and raped you!

- I wasn't ever in no danger at all - she said, trying to calm him down.

- As soon as someone gave me a ride, I said I was going to Washington, because thats where they have the best treatment for sexually transmitted diseases.

Why don't women wear dresses in the winter?
→ Chapped lips.

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention, the assembly line for the automobile, changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven."

Ford thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God, himself." The befeathered fellow at the gate takes Ford to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Ford then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?" God says, "Ah, yes." "Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much front end protrusion
2. It chatters at high speeds
3. The rear end wobbles too much, and
4. The intake is placed to close to the exhaust."

"Hmmm.." replies God, "hold on." God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result.

The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. "It may be that my invention is flawed," God replies to Henry Ford, "but according to my Computer, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Why did the Avon lady walk funny?
→ Her lipstick.

How are women like elevators?
→ Only about half go down.

What's the difference between women and men?
→ One has morning sickness, the other has morning stiffness.

The seven kinds of passionate women

1. The Optimist - "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
2. The Pessimist - "No! No! No!"
3. The Confused - "Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! Yes! No! No!"
4. The Asthmatic - written rendition of gasping
5. The Sprinter - "Faster! Agh! Faster! Faster!"
6. The Religious - "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!"
7. The Mathematician - "More! More! More! More!"