Dirty Jokes — best jokes

These two women went out for a night on the town and got just totally sloshed. At the end of the evening they decided to take a short cut through a cow pasture after being unable to find a ride home. They became lost so split up to try and find the road home. One of the lushes doubled back only to stumble on the other flat on her back sucking on, and playing with a cow's udders. Her friend screamed "what are you doing"? the other lush says "shut up, with all these guys here someone'll drive us home".

Three Things Women Can Do That Men Can't:

1. Bleed for a week and not die.
2. Give milk without eating grass
3. Bury an eight inch bone faster than any dog!

Woman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, "Come this way," and heads towards the back of the store.

- If I could come that way - she tells the retreating clerk:

- I wouldn't need the batteries.

Who makes all the bras for brunettes?
→ Fisher-Price

The success of the "Wonder Bra" for under-endowed women, has encouraged the designers to come out with a bra for over-endowed women.

It's called the "Sheep Dog Bra"...

It rounds them up and points them in the right direction.

Commercial:

Do Seagulls Circle your house?

Does your boyfriend sing " The shrimp boats are coming"?

Do you make people vomit in the elevator?

Try FDS!

Feminnine hygene spray! two squirts will 'twinkle your twat'

Judy arrived home from her date, tossed her coat over a chair, her handbag over the banister, she threw her clothes around the bedroom without care. The next morning at breakfast, her mother asked her if she had a good time?

- Oh - sighed Judy:

- I had a wonderful time.

- I thought as much - her mother remarked:

- Your underpants are still stuck to the ceiling!

Why is the section of body between a womans breasts and her croutch called a waste??
→ You could fit another pair of breasts there

Why don't witches wear panties?
→ So they can get a better grip on the broom.

How is a woman like a condom?
→ Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.