Dirty Jokes — best jokes

What does the band now play when Clinton enters the room?
→ Kneel to the Chief!

Presidential Election'2000

Dear Abby,

I am a sailor in the US Coast Guard. My parents live in the suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for rape and murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and indeed is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel. However her time there is limited, as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the street, and hopefully the heroin... Abby, my problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her... Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Bush?

Signed,
Worried about my reputation

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
→ 1 U.S. leader

How did Bill and Hillary Clinton first meet?
→ They were both dating the same girl in high school.

A woman shows up at the white house in a trench coat and scarf and says:

- I received your emergency phone call, Mrs. Clinton, and came right away, but what could "I" possibly do to save the country?

- Mrs. Clinton: Come inside and let me explain, Mrs. Bobbit...

The Australian liberal party announced today that they are changing their emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party's political stance: A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages co-operation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense of security while screwing others.

The 'Kentucky Fried Chicken' franchise has a new Bucket of Chicken out. It's called the 'Hillary Clinton Bucket.' It contains two small breasts and two large thighs.

Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a new national bird?
→ The spread eagle.

Why is Bill Clinton happy he named his dog "Buddy?"
→ Because it's a BAD TIME to be yelling "come Spot!" in the Whitehouse.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
→ BILL CLINTON: Let me say this one more time. I did not have sexual relations with that chicken.