Dirty Jokes — best jokes

What is the most popular pick up line in a gay bar?
→ Can I push your stool in?

What do you call a gay man's scrotum?
→ Mud flaps!

Two bums were sitting on a street curb, bored as ever.

Then, one of them got an idea, saying:

- I know, let's play swords!

- Play swords? - asked the other.

- How?

- Simple. Whip it out, smack it till it's hard, and we both whack 'em together like swords.

So they did, and they were running up and down the street, smacking their dicks together playing swords.

Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions.

- We're playing swords! - yelled one of the bums.

The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becoming exhausted.

- I'm tired, - he said. He bent over saying:

- kill me!, kill me!!

A traveling salesman's car breaks down, and he walks over to a near by farm. He knocks on the door and the farmer appears. "Excuse me sir, but my car broke down about a mile down the road, and I was wondering if you had a place I could stay, just until morning, and I....." The farmer says, "Well, I can let you sleep in the barn, but you'll have to sleep with my two sons...." The salesman says, "Sons! I must be in the wrong joke!"

What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as?
→ Speed bumps

What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
→ Fur traders.

Two fags are on a picnic, and the first guy says, "I have to take a dumpski," and he walks into the woods to do it. Several minutes later, the other guy hears the first guy crying, "Boo Hoo, I Had A Miscarriage. I Had A Miscarriage." He runs into the woods to see what is going on. When he gets there, the first guy is still crying, "Boo-Hoo I Had A Miscarriage..." He looks down and says, "Don't be silly. You didn't have a miscarraige. You had diarrhea on a toad."

There is 2 fags walking down the beach. They are holding hands andkicking the sand with their feet. One happens to kick a lamp that islying buried in the sand. He pick it up and starts to clean it off.

All of a sudden a Genie comes out of the lamp.

Genie:

- Man, I don't believe it. I have stuck in that bottle for 2thousand years and the first person to come along and find me is afag. I am suppose to give you 3 wishes but I just can't do it. I won'teven give you 2. I will give you one wish and that is it. What will itbe.

The 2 fags are excited about getting their wish but couldn't come upwith what they wanted to wish for on such short notice.

Fag1 says:

- Could you give us just a little time to think about it? Imean one wish we need a little time.

The Genie looks down and says:

- Alright you can take as long as youwant but I am not going to stay here until you come up with it. I justcan't stand the sight of you two. Whenever youmake me your mind justwish for it and it will done.

At that moment the Genie grabs his bottle and flys off into the sky.

Well the two fags decide that they will go back to the motel room anddecide on what they will wish for. Once they got back their emotionstook over and they starting doing all that fag stuff. Right as they were getting into it, the door of their room gets busteddown and 6 men in white sheets come in. They grab the fags and throw arope around their necks. Fag1 looks at Fag2 and says:

- You know this might be a good time useour wish.

Fag2 says:

- I already made it.

Fag1:

- What the hell did you wish for?

Fag2:

- Well, I wish that we were hung like two niggers.

A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck, I really want a drink." So he sits down at the bar, and the gay bartender says to him, "What's the name of your penis?" The guy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink." The gay bartender says, "I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis." So the guy looks at the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer and asks, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?" The man to left, with a smile, looks back and says, "TIMEX." The guy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!" A little shaken, the guy turns to the fella on his right sipping on a fruity margarita, "So, what do you call your penis?" The man to his right turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because quality is Job 1", he then ads, "Have you driven a Ford lately?" Even more shaken, the guy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. He turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me my beer." The bartender begins to pour the guy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?" The guy says, "because it's strong enough for a man but made for a woman!"

Two lesbians were standing at a bar drinking when another girl waved from across the bar. "Who is that babe?" one said to the other. "I'd sure like to get her spread out on my sheets." "No you wouldn't," said the other. "She's hung like a doughnut."