Random joke from this category
What's the definition of a perfect woman?
a) Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head so that you can put a pint of beer on it.
b) The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.
c) The economy model fucks all night and, at midnight, turns into a roast beef sandwich and a six pack.
One day, God went to find Adam and Eve in the garden, but found that Adam was sitting by himself.
- Where's Eve? - He asked.
- Well, - said Adam - She started to bleed. This happens every month or so.
- So where is she? - asked God.
- Well, she went down to the river to wash up. - replied Adam.
- Darn, - said God - Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish!
When God made man, he made him out of string.
He had a little left, so he left a little thing.
When God made woman, he made her out of lace.
He didn't have enough, so he left a little space.
I don't think the leading feminist realized what she was saying when she told a reporter, "As long as women are split like we are, men will remain on top."
They are:
- Her Doctor; he says - Take your clothes off.
- Her Dentist; he says - Open wide.
- Her Veterinarian; he says - And how is your little pussy doing today?
- Her Gardener; he says - Do you want me to mulch your bush?
- Her Hairdresser; he says - Do you want it teased or blown?
- Her Interior Decorator; he says - You'll like it once it's in.
- Her Hunter; he goes deep into the bush, shoots several times, and always eats what he shoots.
- Her Remodeler; he says - It fits tongue-in-groove with a little hammering.
- Her Milkman; he says - Do you want it in front or in back?
- Her Banker; he says - If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest.
An office manager was sent three secretaries, equally qualified, to fill one vacancy.
- Well, - thought the manager - I'll give them an honesty test to determine which secretary to keep.
To this end, he gave each secretary a money bag to take and bank telling them that there was $50 in the bag. (In fact, he had placed $100 in each bag; thus the honesty test.)
The first secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks $50 and returns the extra $50 to the manager.
The second secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks the full $100, and returns with a deposit slip as proof.
The third secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks $50, goes to the local TAB and uses the $50 to win $300, then returns, explains to the manager and gives him the all the money.
Which secretary does the manager select to retain????????
→ Well, DUH!... The one with the biggest breasts!
This guy is setting at a bar, and he's had a lot to drink that night; he asks the bartender for another drink, but the bartender says no. The guy is pretty upset by this and persists, but the bartender keeps saying no. Finally the guy asks:
- Well isn't there anything that you can give me?
The bartender says:
- I've got this parrot over there in the corner, sitting on a perch, with no legs.
The guy interested by this asks how the parrot stays on the perch with no legs. The bartender tells the guy that the parrot just raps his dick around the perch. The guy is amazed by this and agrees to take the bird home. On the trip home he asks the parrot if he can talk. The parrot says:
- Sure I can talk!
The guy thinks for a second and then says:
- I've got a job for you. I have to go to work tomorrow and my wife will be home alone all day long. I want you to watch her and tell me everything that happens while I'm gone. The only person other than my wife scheduled to be there is the milk man.
The parrot agrees to watch the man's wife. The next morning the guy leaves for work, leaving only his wife and the parrot at home. Later that evening the man returns home and asks the parrot what his wife did all day.
- Parrot: Within an hour after you left the milk man appeared. Your wife walked to the door, dressed in her bathrobe and let him in. Right away they started kissing!
- Man: Then what happened after that?
- Parrot: They started taking each other's clothes off.
- Man: And then what? (getting more angry)
- Parrot: Your wife started jacking him off!
- Man: What next? (really steamed by this time)
- Parrot: She started giving him a blow job!
- Man: And what then, did they do anything else?
- Parrot: I don't know by that time I got a hard on, and fell off my perch!
Why did God give woman nipples?
→ To make suckers out of men.
What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman?
→ A snowman is easier to make, 'cause with a snowwoman you have to hollow out the head and pack all that extra snow into balls to make her breasts!
Why do women play with their hair at traffic lights?
→ Because they don't have any balls to scratch.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning?
→ Because they don't have any balls to scratch.
