Comedian Jokes — best jokes

How do comedians send messages?
→ By tee-hee mail.

Who is the dogs favourite comedian?
→ Growlcho Marx!

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.

"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?"

"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.

"That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before."

What do you get from a cowmedian?
→ Cream of Wit!

Dear Father Christmas, this Christmas could you please send me a yellow door.
Yours, Sherlock Holmes

- Watson: So why do you want a yellow door Holmes?

- Lemon-entry my dear Watson.

"The fees for withdrawing money from your ATM machines are expected to double, even triple. You're gonna pay two to three as much to withdraw your money so basically the ATM machines have become full service. Instead of getting robbed at the ATM machine the ATM machine robs you. You eliminate the middle man."

- Jay Leno

What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals?
→ He went down really well!

What happened when the cannibals ate a comedian?
→ They had a feast of fun.

Why do hamburgers act brilliantly on stage?
→ They give meaty performances - especially if they are in their prime!

Which type of comedy leaves a hamburger cold?
→ BITING humour!