Celebrities — best jokes

What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?
→ Hugh Grant.

What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
→ They both live off dead Beatles.

What was the last thing Di said to Dodi?
→ Don't you think were taking this thing a little too fast?

What's the difference between Courtney Love and Wayne Gretzky?
→ Wayne takes a shower after 3 periods.

Here's a gross one:

What's the similarity between Michael Jackson and McDonalds?
→ They both stick their beef between 9 year old buns.

Public Statement by the Rev. Jesse Jackson

Due to the great consternation caused by the revelation of my act of procreation, I accept my obligation to give an explanation to the population for my act of copulation. I gave in to temptation, for the anticipation of sexual gratification, that I could not obtain through masturbation, resulted in my fornication. I accepted her invitation, and provided her with excitation, stimulation, penetration, replication, and liberation. She provided lubrication (to avoid inflammation) and I wore condoms to avoid contamination. She cried for duplication but I insisted upon termination, in spite her fascination with variation. This has caused me great aggravation, and the agitation and provocation of the media has resulted in my humiliation, denigration, and degradation. My wife is considering castration, which would require my hospitalization. Pray that this matter will find culmination in my sanctification and rehabilitation so that my plans for nomination to my ultimate vocation will not result in revocation and termination. I hope this proclamation has provided illumination and verification and will prohibit further provocation.

Sincerely,
The Rev. Jesse Jackson

Who's got long blonde hair and big tits, and lives in Melbourne, Australia?
→ Salman Rushdie.

Heard about Salman Rushdie's sequels to "Satanic Verses"?

1. Buddha, you Fat Fucking Bastard,
2. Jesus was a Lousy Carpenter.

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new car?
→ Neither has he.

What can Calista Flockhart do with dental floss?
→ Hang herself.