There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out.
- YOU'RE DRUNK! - exclaimed the police officer.
The drunk said:
- Thank God for that!
- I thought the steering had gone.
- Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
- New Recruit: Call for backup!
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window...:
- Pull over!
- No, a pair of socks! - she shouts back.
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him.
When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly:
- I'm looking for LOVE.
The policeman arrested her on the spot.
This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said:
- Because I don't believe you are over 21.
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give the scotch to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off of the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.
She said:
- I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia.
As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said:
- Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again.
John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer:
- Is there a problem, Officer?
- No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?
John thought for a minute and said:
- Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license.
Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman:
- Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's drunk and stoned.
Brian from the back seat said:
- I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said:
- Are we over the border yet?
A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.
But it also lit up her arm, too!
Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.
A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.
When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said:
- My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm.
Little Tommy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read:
- The 10 Most Wanted.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
- Yes, - said the policeman, - the detectives want him very badly.
So Little Tommy asked, while tugging on the man's belt:
- Um, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?
A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.
After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn't stop, he just slowed down a little.
The gentleman said:
- Stop or slow down, what's the difference?.
The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick for about a minute and then said:
- Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?
