Sport Jokes — most viewed jokes

President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton's ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, "Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!". She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks at Clinton and says, "No, I said to throw out the first PITCH!"

- Dentist: Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams.

- Patient: Why, Doc? It isn't all that bad this time.

- Dentist: Well, there are about 20 people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the five o'clock Braves game on Channel 4.

Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." "Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?" "Absolutely not," he said. "How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." "Season's more than half over," he said.

In 1989, a Union Bridge, Md., high school permitted a female student, Tawana Hammond, 17, to try out for its football team under the pressure of a federal statute that bars school discrimination on the basis of gender.

On her first scrimmage, Tawana, a running back, was tackled and suffered massive internal injuries.

In October 1992, she filed a $1.5 million lawsuit against the county board of education for its alleged failure to tell her how dangerous football is.

This bloke was ordered from the pool for pissing in the water.

"That's ridiculous!" he shouted at the pool manager. "Everybody does it, you know."

"That may be so," came the reply, "but usually not from the diving board."

A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says "OK,, just grip it like you do your husband's member".

After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line. The instructor says, "Wow that's great. Now just try taking the racquet out of your mouth."

What does the N on the Nebraska football helmet stand for?
→ "Nowledge."

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said, "The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind."
They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"

"I think so," replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!"

If you're fishing on ice, you should never tell a joke on ice. WHY???
→ The ice will crack up!