Temperatures
- 60 degrees - Californians put their sweaters on.
- 50 degrees - Miami residents turn on the heat.
- 45 degrees - Vermont residents go to outdoor concert.
- 40 degrees - You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming.
- 35 degrees - Italians cars don't start.
- 32 degrees - Water freezes.
- 30 degrees - You plan your vacation in Australia.
- 25 degrees - Ohio water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming.
- 20 degrees - Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation farther south.
- 15 degrees - French cars don't start, cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
- 10 degrees - You need jumper cables to get the car going.
- 5 degrees - American cars don't start.
- 0 degrees - Alaskans put on T-shirts.
- -10 degrees - German cars don't start, eyes freeze shut when you step outside.
- -15 degrees - You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist.
- -20 degrees - Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you, politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don't start.
- -25 degrees - Too cold to think, you need jumper cables to get the driver going.
- -30 degrees - You plan a two week hot bath, Swedish cars don't start.
- -40 degrees - Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweater, your car helps you plan your trip South.
- -50 degrees - Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window.
- -80 degrees - Polar bears move south, Green Bay Packer (and Buffalo Bills) fans order hot cocoa at the game.
- -90 degrees - Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.
- -100 degrees - Hell freezes over, Clinton finally tells all. Kenneth Starr moves in with Monica. Alaskans button top button. Santa moves operations to Panama.
