Situations — most viewed jokes

Dear Editor,

I have two brothers, one works at Microsoft, the other was sentenced to death in the gas chamber. My mother died of insanity when I was three years old, my two sisters are prostitutes and my father sells drugs. Recently, I met a girl who was released from a reformatory where she served time for smothering her illegitimate child to death. I love this girl very much and want to marry her. My problem is this: Shall I tell her about my brother who works at Microsoft?

Sincerely,
Larry

What will a monster eat in a restaurant?
→ The waiter.

A doctor came to the mental hospital to visit his patients. In one of the rooms, he saw a man walking around, dragging a toothbrush on a leash.

The doctor asked the man:

- What are you doing, walking the dog?

The man replied:

- Oh no, I'm just dragging my toothbrush on a leash.

The doctor left the room amazed, thinking how many normal people end up in mental institutions...

And the man said to his toothbrush:

- Ha, Fifi, we tricked him!

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

- I'm sorry I spilled a glass of water on you.

- That's all right. My suit is too large anyway.

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

- Waiter, please close the window.

- Why, is there a draft?

- Yes, it's blown my steak off the plate three times.

There were three guys waiting for a bus on a bench when the first guy farts, 'WHOOOSSHHHHH....' No one brought attention to it. Then suddenly the second guy farts, 'WHOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH........' Again, no one thought anything of it until the third guy let one, 'PPPPPPPPUUUUUUHHHHHHHH...' The first two guys then looked at the third guy and simultaneously said, "STRAIGHT."

The tourist: "Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?"

What do you call an outhouse built on quicksand?
→ Trapper John