Random joke from this category
There was a horrible mistake at the hospital. A man who was scheduled for a vasectomy was instead given a sex change operation. The doctors gathered at his bed afterwards to tell him the bad news.
"Ohhhh no!!!" the patient wailed, "I'll never be able to experience an erection again!"
"Of course you'll still be able to experience erections," replied one surgeon, "only it will have to be someone else's!"
You know the worst thing about oral sex? The view.
What's long, hard, and has semen in it?
→ A submarine!
A guy went to his doctor full of anger. "Doc," he said, "I feel like killing my wife. You've got to help me. Please tell me what I should do."
The doctor thought for a moment. "Look," he said, "here are some pills. Take these twice a day and they'll allow you to fuck your wife six time a day. If you do this for thirty days, you'll finally screw her to death. And the autopsy will just show that she died of heart failure during sex."
"Wonderful, doc," said the grateful patient. "I'll start with this right away."
He left with the bottle of pills and a smile on his face.
Nearly a month passed. One day, while on a medical convention, the doctor passed by the patient coming down the sidewalk in a wheelchair, just barely managing to move forward.
"What happened?" asked the doctor. "What happened to your wife?"
"Don't worry, doc," the patient reassured him, "two more days and she'll be dead."
Have you heard about the new medication that both an aphrodisiac and laxative?
It's called "Easy Cum, Easy Go".
Why do men become smarter during sex?
→ Because they are plugged into a genius.
What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm?
→ He is usually home with the kids!
A little girl was playing in the garden when she spied two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a daddy long legs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is a mommy long legs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy long legs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.
"Well, we're not having any of THAT in our garden."
A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
- What are you doing here today?
- Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it.
- Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
- Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?
- [shaking her head with mouth closed] Unh unh.
A Soviet emigre boy and girl come to a doctor's office and say: "Doctor, we would like to know if we are screwing properly. Will you watch us, please?"
The doctor, somewhat puzzled, agrees, they climb on his table, the boy gets on top of the girl, and they have sex. After observing them, the doctor says, "Yes, you're having sex properly. That will be forty dollars."
They come back the next day with the same request, but this time the boy enters the girl from the rear. They keep coming for four days in a row, using different positions every day.
On the fifth visit the doctor says, "Why do you keep on coming back? I told you you're having sex properly."
The boy explains, "The hotel room costs the same forty dollars, but this way we get reimbursed by Medicaid."
