Sex Jokes — most viewed jokes

A husband and wife were fighting about their sex life.

"You never even tell me when you're having an orgasm!" he yelled.

"How can I?" she shot back. "You're never here!"

A woman was going to marry one of those guys that wanted a virgin.

Since she was not, she went to a doctor to reconstruct her hymen.

The doctor told her it would cost around $500, but there was another way that would cost only $50.

The woman agreed to try the cheap way, paid the money, and the doctor worked on her for several minutes.

After the "first night" of intimacy, the woman came back to the doctor and told him that it was perfect. The pain, the blood, everything was there. And she asked him how he did it.

"Simple... I tied your pubic hairs together!"

A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her, "There must be something you're doing that you haven't told me. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?"

"Well," she said a little sheepishly, "my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night."

"That's got to be it," said the doctor. "There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know."

"Not if you're going to watch T.V. there ain't," she replied.

A newlywed bride and groom had been busy at "it" for three days straight.

The groom arose early and was reading the paper, thinking it was time to do something else. When his bride woke up, he said, "Honey would you like to see Oliver Twist?"

His bride replied, "You show me one more trick with that thing and I'm going home to mother!"

What did the egg say to the boiling water?
→ "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

Why is sex with your spouse like a convenience store?
→ There's not much variety, but what else is open at three in the morning!

A husband and wife are in bed watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire".

The husband asks for sex.

The wife says, "No."

Her husband asks, "Is that your final answer?"

She responds, "Yes."

He says, "Then, I'd like to call a friend."

What do most women miss most about being single?
→ Having sex!

What is the definition of 'making love'?
→ Something a woman does while a guy is f***ing her.

Why are condoms like cameras?
→ They both capture the moment.