Sex Jokes — most viewed jokes

A Soviet emigre boy and girl come to a doctor's office and say:

- Doctor, we would like to know if we are screwing properly. Will you watch us, please?

The doctor, somewhat puzzled, agrees, they climb on his table, the boy gets on top of the girl, and they have sex. After observing them, the doctor says:

- Yes, you're having sex properly. That will be forty dollars.

They come back the next day with the same request, but this time the boy enters the girl from the rear. They keep coming for four days in a row, using different positions every day.

On the fifth visit the doctor says:

- Why do you keep on coming back? I told you you're having sex properly.

The boy explains:

- The hotel room costs the same forty dollars, but this way we get reimbursed by Medicaid.

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.

- What are you doing here today?

- Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it.

- Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.

- Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?

- [shaking her head with mouth closed] Unh unh.

A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her:

- There must be something you're doing that you haven't told me. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?

- Well - she said a little sheepishly.

- my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night.

- That's got to be it - said the doctor.

- There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know.

- Not if you're going to watch T.V. there ain't - she replied.

A husband and wife are in bed watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire".

The husband asks for sex.

The wife says:

- No.

Her husband asks:

- Is that your final answer?

She responds:

- Yes.

He says:

- Then, I'd like to call a friend.

A newlywed bride and groom had been busy at "it" for three days straight.

The groom arose early and was reading the paper, thinking it was time to do something else. When his bride woke up, he said:

- Honey would you like to see Oliver Twist?

His bride replied:

- You show me one more trick with that thing and I'm going home to mother!

What do most women miss most about being single?
→ Having sex!

What did the egg say to the boiling water?
→ - How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.

Why is sex with your spouse like a convenience store?
→ There's not much variety, but what else is open at three in the morning!

What is the definition of 'making love'?
→ Something a woman does while a guy is f***ing her.

Why are condoms like cameras?
→ They both capture the moment.