Sex Jokes — most viewed jokes

This guy took his nymphomaniac wife to the sex therapist for treatment.

"This is one hot potato of a lady, doctor," he said, "Maybe you can do something for her? She goes for any man, any age, any time, anywhere and it is just driving me crazy with jealousy."

"We'll see," the therapist said. He directed the wife into his examining room, closed the door behind her, and told her to get undressed. Then he told her to get up onto the examining table on her stomach.

The moment he touched her buttocks, she began to squirm and moan. It was too much for him to resist, so he climbed up on top of her and began screwing her.

The husband suddenly hears the moans and groans coming from the examination room. Very suspicious, he bursts into the room and is confronted by the sight of the doctor astride his wife and banging away.

"Doctor, what are you doing?!?" he asked.

Flustered, the therapist replied, "Oh, it's you! I'm only taking your wife's temperature!"

The husband pulled out a large pocket knife and began to hone it deliberately on his sleeve. "Well, doc," he said, "when you take that thing out, it better have numbers on it!"

- Doctor, ya gotta help me. Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm.

- Really! What are you taking for it?

- (with a grin) Black pepper!

Whats the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
→ Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
→ Hold unto your nuts-This is no ordinary Blow Job!

What are the two greatest lies?
→ "The check is in the mail," and "I promise I won't cum in your mouth."

What is a four-letter word that ends in 'k' and means the same as intercourse?
→ Talk

A man walks into a bar and sits next to a beautiful lady.

"May I buy you a drink?" the man asks the lady.

"Sure, but one thing I have to confess before you get intimate is that I was once a man," she responds.

"Whoa! I would have never known if you hadn't told me," the man says shocked, "Well what was the worst part of the operation? Was it when they sewed on those gahoonas?"

"No," she says calmly.

"What about when they cut off your.."

"No," she says hesitantly.

"Well what was the worst part of the operation?", the man asks.

"Well, the worst part has to be when they removed half of my brain!"

What is the difference between a drug pusher and a prostitute?
→ A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

An extremely old man visits his doctor and tells him, "I need my sex drive lowered."

The doctor, incredulous, says, "What?? You want your sex drive lowered??"

To which the old man replies, "It's all in my head; I need it LOWERED!"

Two teenagers wander off to the bushes during a softball game on the outskirts of town and start necking.
After a while the boy stops. "You know we've been doing this for a few weeks now and I think it's time we went all the way," he pleads.

"Well, maybe," she says, "But I'm a virgin and I heard it hurts. Besides all those people at the field may hear us." The boy stops and says, "Hmmm, well then if it hurts, start making cow sounds, and I'll stop. But if it feels good start singing. That way no one will ever guess what we're really doing." The girl agrees so they quickly take off their clothes and get down to business. Ten minutes later people watching the game hear sounds echoing through the quiet countryside so loudly that the teams stop playing.
"Moooo ..... Moooooo ...... Moooooooon River .......!"