Random joke from this category
The newlywed couple asked the hotel desk clerk for a room and told him they just got married that morning.
- Congratulations! - said the clerk looking at the bride.
- Would you like the bridal then?
- No thanks - said the woman.
- I'll just hold him by the ears until he gets the hang of it!
A Deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it. The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf-mute, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language. "Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."
They say that men only think about sex. That's not exactly true.
They also care a lot about power, world domination, money, and beer.
Two elderly Southern women are sitting on the veranda sipping lemonade and reminiscing about old times.
One says to the other:
- Darling, do you remember the minuet?
The other replies:
- Sweetheart, I can't even remember the ones I screwed!
The brash young gynecologist, fresh out of medical school, took one look at his voluptuous new patient and abandoned his professional ethics entirely. As he stroked the supple skin of her naked body, he asked:
- Do you understand what I am doing?
- Yes - the patient answered.
- You're checking for dermatological abrasions.
- Correct - the doctor lied.
Next, he fondled her breasts long and lovingly. Again, he inquired:
- Do you understand what I am doing?
- You're feeling for cancerous lumps - she ventured.
- Very astute - the doctor complimented, getting more excited.
He placed the woman's feet in stirrups, dropped his pants, and slipped his member inside her.
And do you understand what I am doing now?
- All too well - the patient shot back.
- You're contracting herpes!
After an argument with his wife, a man stalked out of the house. He returned a few hours later to find his wife packing a suitcase. He angrily asked her where she was going.
- I'm moving to Las Vegas. I can make $400-500 there doing what I give you for free.
The man thought about this for a moment, then pulled out his own suitcase and began packing. His wife asked where HE was going.
- I'm going to Las Vegas, too. I want to see how you manage to live on $800 a year!
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."
On the eve of her wedding, the bride-to-be confessed to her best friend that she was worried about her husband finding out that she wasn't a virgin.
- No problem - said the friend.
- Just go out and buy yourself a nice piece of liver and put it up inside you just before you have sex. You'll feel nice and tight and he'll never know the difference.
She went ahead and followed her friend's advice.
On her wedding night, she and her new husband went wild. They did it in the tub, they did it on the floor, they did it just about everywhere.
The bride woke up the next morning and found her new hubby was gone and all that was left was a note that read:
Sweetheart, I love you very much. I feel terrible about what has happened. I can't go on after this, and I know now that we can never have a life together.
Goodbye darling.
P.S: ...
Your pussy is in the refrigerator!
A man walks into a bar and sits next to a beautiful lady.
- May I buy you a drink? - the man asks the lady.
- Sure, but one thing I have to confess before you get intimate is that I was once a man - she responds.
- Whoa! I would have never known if you hadn't told me - the man says shocked.
- Well what was the worst part of the operation? Was it when they sewed on those gahoonas?
- No - she says calmly.
- What about when they cut off your..
- No - she says hesitantly.
- Well what was the worst part of the operation? - the man asks.
- Well, the worst part has to be when they removed half of my brain!
- Doctor, ya gotta help me. Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm.
- Really! What are you taking for it?
- (with a grin) Black pepper!
