Sex Jokes — most viewed jokes

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

- C'mon, tell me - she asked for the thousandth time:

- how many women have you slept with?

- Baby - he protested:

- if I told you, you'd throw a fit.

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

- Okay - he said, then started to count on his fingers:

- One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen.....

Why is sex like a game of bridge?
→ You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

On the eve of his wedding night, a confused young man calls his father to ask him about his upcoming performance.

- Dad - says the son.

- what do I do tonight? I'm very nervous.

- Don't worry - comforts the father.

- It's all very simple. Remember that thing you used to play with as a teenager? Well, you just take that and stick it where your wife pees.

So that night, the now-confident young man takes his G.I. Joe and throws it in the toilet!

A man and woman are riding up in an elevator.

The man looks at the woman and says:

- Can I smell your pussy?

She replies:

- Hell no!

The man says:

- Well, it must be your feet then.

- He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.

- She: Well, you succeeded!

What does the left leg of a nymphomaniac say to her right leg?
→ Nothing, they have never met.

Two young couples marry the same day and, being all friends, leave together for honeymoon to stay at the same Hotel in Venice, door to door.

The next morning, the two brand new husbands step out on their balconies to have a breath of fresh air.

- So? How was it going last night? C'mon, tell me! How's your wife?

- Uhh, fine I guess, she's lying on the bed smoking.

- Jesus! My wife just got a bit sore...

How do you keep a man from wanting sex?
→ You marry him!

A young couple left the sex therapist's office determined to develop more effective body language.

- Alright - said the husband - when I want sex, I'll rub your right breast. When I don't want sex, I'll rub your left breast.

- Okay - said the wife - What should I do then?

- Well, when you want to have sex - he told her - rub my penis once. When you don't want any sex, rub it 200 times.

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.