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Basketball Better Than Sex

TOP 10 REASONS BASKETBALL IS BETTER THAN SEX...

  1. BALL MOVEMENT IS KEY
  2. YOU CAN SET IT UP OR GO FOR THE FASTBREAK
  3. IF YOU NEED A BREAK, YOU CAN CALL A 20 SECOND TIMEOUT
  4. THERE IS A COACH TELLING YOU WHEN TO "TAKE IT TO THE HOLE"
  5. BEING DOUBLE-TEAMED IS COMMON
  6. YOU CAN PASS IT OFF, SO YOUR BUDDY CAN SCORE
  7. IF SCOUTS LIKE YOUR PERFORMANCE, YOU TURN PRO
  8. YOU KNOW YOU ARE DONE WHEN THE HORN SOUNDS
  9. YOU ALWAYS TRY TO SCORE WITHIN 24 SECONDS
  10. THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEONE WITH A TOWEL TO CLEAN UP ANY WET SPOTS
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Don't Ask Questions

A guy worked in an adult book store. One afternoon his friend walked in. The guy said, "Dude, thank goodness you showed up!" "I'm starving, and I need you to watch the counter for me for a few minutes, while I run across the street to get some lunch."

The friend looked around the store, then looked back at his friend oddly. The guy said, "Dude, don't ask any questions, just sell it to em." The friend said, "Ok". So the guy left.

A customer came in, and went up to the counter. She said, "I want a vibrator. What do you have?"

The friend said, "We got red ones, white ones, black ones, big ones, little ones and medium sized ones."

The lady said, "I'll take a little red one to carry in my bag." He sold it to her.

Another woman walked in. She approached the counter and said, "I would like a vibrator, what do you have?"

The friend replied, "Red, black or white, large, medium or small."

The woman asked, "Well, what about the red, white and black checkered one up there?"

The friend said, "Well, I'll sell it to ya if you want," so she bought it.

A few minutes later the guy came back from lunch and said, "Thanks Dude, you're a life saver. So did you sell anything?"

The friend said, "Yeah, I sold a little red vibrator and a thermos."

Off Men For Life

A blond at a party was telling her friend thatshe was off men for life. "They lie, they cheatand they're just no good. From now on when I wantsex, I'm going to use my vibrator"

"So, what when the batteries run out?" asked her friend"I'll just fake an orgasm like always."

Ant and Elephant

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"

Sunburn Date

A guy finally gets a date with an easy blonde. To prepare for the date he sunbathes in the nude on his roof, falls asleep and burns his manhood. He doesn't want to cancel so he slathers it with lotion and wraps it in gauze. The blonde shows up at his house, and he treats her to a home-cooked dinner. Afterwards they go to the living room to watch a movie. His manhood starts to bother him again so he excuses himself, goes into the kitchen, pours a glass of milk and immerses himself for immediate relief. The blonde, however, wanted to know what he was doing and walks in on him with his Johnson in the milk and exclaims, "So that's how you guys load those things!"

Politician's Night Out

After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took $300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table.

"Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20."

"Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed MP replied. "You can't make a living on that."

"Oh, don't worry," the whore replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side!"

Abstinence Test

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church.

The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the final couple were newlyweds. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint. "Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister. "Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can, and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over." The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

Hockey Better Than Sex

TOP 10 REASONS HOCKEY IS BETTER THAN SEX...

  1. YOU GO IN 1-2 MINUTE SHIFTS
  2. THE PUCK IS ALWAYS HARD
  3. THE PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT IS REUSABLE
  4. IT LASTS A FULL HOUR
  5. YOU KNOW YOU ARE FINISHED WHEN THE BUZZER SOUNDS
  6. YOUR PARENTS CHEER WHEN YOU SCORE
  7. A 2 ON 1 OR 3 ON 1 IS NOT UNCOMMON
  8. IT IS LEGAL TO PLAY PROFESSIONALLY
  9. YOU CAN COUNT ON IT AT LEAST TWICE A WEEK
  10. PERIODS ONLY LAST 20 MINUTES