School — most viewed jokes

What is the second stupidest thing in the world?
→ An Arkansas architectural student out in the middle of the ocean trying to build a foundation for a house.

What is the stupidest thing in the world?
→ An Arkansas contractor trying to build a house on the foundation.

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?

At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Er... How much for a season pass?"

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.

Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.

"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."

The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."

Did you hear about the Louisiana Tech professor who stood in front of a mirror for two hours, wondering where he'd seen himself before?

- Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon?

- Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs.

- Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?

- Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!

Andy was away from school for 2 days because he had a flu. On the third day when he went back to school, his teacher told him how he felt.
I feel with my hands Miss !

A Mississippi professor was at a party and became indignant when asked if college professors were absent-minded.

"Professors haven't got bad memories," he declared. "They're not absent-minded. Don't you think I know where I am right now, and don't you think tomorrow I'll know where I was last night? Would somebody like to ask me another question?"

"Yes," said another guest. "Is it true that professors are absent-minded and have bad memories?"

"Good!" said the professor. "I knew sooner or later somebody would ask me that question."

Arvil was coming out of the Texas University student building when he was stopped by two coeds.

"Would you like to become a Jehovah's Witness?" asked one of the girls.

"No, I really couldn't. I didn't see the accident."

How can you tell a Minnesota hockey fan?
→ Ask him what color the blue line is and wait. It may take him ten minutes to answer.