School — most viewed jokes

How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Optimist: A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find money.

How does a New York University psychology major turn on his lights in the morning?
→ By opening the car door.

A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.

On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question?" - Discuss.

After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer."

The student received an "A" on the exam.

A Boston brokerage house advertised for a "young Harvard graduate or the equivalent."

Among the inquiries received was one from a Yale grad. He said, "Do you mean two Princeton men, or a Yale man part time?"

What did Clinton say when accused of copying his homework from his girlfriend at Oxford?
→ I did not have textual relations with that woman.

How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Only one, but it may take him/her more than five years to do it.

How many Wake Forest fraternity brothers does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
→ Seventeen. One to do it and sixteen to shell the M&M's.

- Teacher: Name four members of the cat family.

- Pupil: Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens!

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stands up and offers "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.

"What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says:
"If an airplane carrying Bill & Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be tragedy."

"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous!
And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it couldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"

- Father: You've got 4 D's and a C on your report.

- Son: "Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject!"