School — most viewed jokes

'I'm very sad to announce this morning, girls, that Miss Jones has decided to retire,' said the principal at morning assembly. 'Now we will all stand and sing this morning's hymn....now Thank We All Our God.'

- Are you in the top half of your class?

- No, I'm one of the students who make the top half possible!

- Father: How were the exam questions?

- Son: Easy

- Father: Then why look so unhappy?

- Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, just the answers!

William Bennett recalls when one of his "radical students" at Boston University announced that he and his girlfriend were getting married for "as long as we feel good about each other."

It seemed rather temporary to Dr. Bennett, so for a wedding present, he says, "I gave them paper plates."

What's the difference between a headmaster and a poisonous snake?
→ You can make a pet out of a snake!

A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school.

After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+.

Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?"

The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business."

- Little Monster: I hate my teacher.

- Mother Monster: Well just eat your salad up then dear!

What subject are snakes good at school?
→ Hiss-tory!

- Teacher: What's 2 and 2

- Pupil: 4

- Teacher: That's good

- Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!

What do history teachers make when they want to get together?
→ Dates!