School — most viewed jokes

- Teacher: Tommy, put some more water in the fish tank!

- Pupil: Why, Miss, I only put some in yesterday and he hasn't drunk that yet!

- Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won't freeze?

- Pupil: Hot water!

- Mother: How do you like your new teacher?

- Son: I don't. She told me to sit up the front for the present and then she didn't give me one!

- Teacher: This note from your father looks like your handwriting?

- Pupil: Well, yes, he borrowed my pen!

- If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left?

- I don't know.

- Why not?

- In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.

Biddle and Payne, two elderly English professors, were having lunch in the cafeteria.

During the course of the conversation, Biddle said, "A student gave me a peculiar answer in class today. I asked who wrote the Merchant of Venice and a sophomore said, "Please, sir, it wasn't me!"

"Ha, ha!" laughed Payne. "And I suppose the little snot had done it all along!"

Jackie stood quietly as her father examined her report card.
"What is this 45 in math?" asked her father.
"I think that's the size of the class," she said quickly!

- Teacher: Why didn't you answer me?

- Pupil: I did, I shook my head

- Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it rattling from here do you!

- Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.

- School Secretary: Who is this?

- Pupil: This is my father speaking!

- Examiner: I think you know very little, if anything at all, about the Bible. Can you quote any passage?

- Student: 'Judas departed and went and hanged himself.'

- Examiner: Well, that's a surprise. Can you quote another?

- Student: 'Go thou and do likewise.'