School — most viewed jokes

- Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class?

- Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips!

- I hope you're not one of those pupils who spends all day on the Net and doesn't get any exercise.

- Oh, no, miss, I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise either.

How did the calf's final exam turn out?
→ Grade A!

• You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
• You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to have all your holidays and summers free."
• You believe "shallow gene pool" should have it's own box on the report card.
• You believe the staff room should have a Valium salt lick.
• When out in public, you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.
• When you mention "vegetables" and you're not talking about a food group.
• You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
• You wonder how some parents even managed to reproduce.
• You can't have children of your own, because there is no name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it.
• You really encourage an obnoxious parent to check into home schooling.

- Principal: Do you do your homework?

- Kid: Now & Then

- Principal: Where do you do it?

- Kid: Here & There

- Principal: Put him in the closet!!!

- Kid: Hey, When will I get out?

- Principal: Oh, sooner or later

- Pupil: The art teacher doesn't like what I'm making?

- Dad: Why is that, what are you making?

- Pupil: Mistakes!

- Teacher: Can you count to 10?

- Fred: Yes, teacher-one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

- Teacher: Now go on from there.

- Fred: Jack, Queen, King.

What's yellow, has wheels and lies on its back?
→ A dead school bus!

What kind of food do maths teachers eat?
→ Square meals!

Martin asked David, "In which state does the Ohio River run?" David answered with cool, "In the liquid state."