Random joke from this category
The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.
"Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the instructor.
"P-u-t-t is correct," he replied.
"Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."
- Teacher: How much is half of 8
- Pupil: Up and down or across?
- Teacher: What do you mean?
- Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0
- Be sure that you go straight home after school
- I can't, I live just round the corner!
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded...
"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
- Mother: Did you enjoy the school outing, dear?
- Jane: Yes, and we're going again tomorrow.
- Mother: Really? Why's that?
- Jane: To try and find the kids we left behind.
- I failed every subject except for algebra.
- How did you keep from failing that?
- I didn't take algebra!
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.
- Teacher: What can we do to stop polluting our waters?
- Pupil: Stop taking baths?
- Teacher: What are the four elements?
- Pupil: Fire, Earth, Water and the Internet.
- Teacher: What do you mean the Internet?
- Pupil: Well, Mum says that whenever I'm on the Net, I'm in my element.
What do you call a tube with a degree?
→ A graduated cylinder.
