Random joke from this category
- Delmer: How'd you like the play last night over at the high school?
- Parley: I only seed the first act, but not the second.
- Delmer: Why didn't you stay?
- Parley: I couldn't wait that long. It said on the program, 'Two Years Later.'
One day at school, the teacher sees cuts and bruises all over little johnny's body. Worried, she asks him what happened.
He replies: "Well, my parents are doing renovations in my room and I sleep with them. Last night, I woke and heard my father asking OK? and mom said OK so I asked OK what? So they got real angry and beat me up."
The next day, the teacher sees new cuts and bruises on little johnny's body so she asks him what happened and tells her the same thing. So she tells him not to say anything should the same thing occur tonight.
Next day at school, little johnny comes to class with a head band on his head and crutches with his face all blue and swollen.
When the teacher asks what happened, he says: "Like you said, last night, when my dad asked OK? and mom said OK, I didn't say anything. After a while, they started moaning and groaning but still, I didn't say a thing until dad asked: "did you come?" and mom answered "Yeah, I came" and I said "where were you?""
- Teacher: Where is the English Channel?
- Pupil: I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up
Why does history keep repeating itself?
→ Because we weren't listening the first time!
According to a news report, a certain private school recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of middle school girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the maintenance man who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers, and then there are educators.
- Teacher: What are you reading?
- Pupil: I dunno!
- Teacher: But you're reading aloud!
- Pupil: But I'm not listening!
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
- Teacher: When was Rome built?
- Pupil: At night.
- Teacher: Why did you say that?
- Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!
- Teacher: What is the outside of a tree called?
- Sam: I don't know.
- Teacher: Bark, Sam, bark.
- Sam: Bow, wow, wow!
- Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?
- Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!
