School — most viewed jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school?
→ She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the Hymenlick Manuever.

What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
→ A visitor.

"Well, children," said the cannibal cooking teacher. "What did you make of the new English teacher?"

"Burgers, ma'am."

Etiquette and Behavior

• EB101: PMS (Preposterous Mood Swings) - Learning To Sleep Over At Mother's
• EB102: We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas (Just Wear The Sexy Lingerie I Gave You)
• EB103: How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right
• EB104: Why It Is Unacceptable To Talk About Feminine Hygiene In Mixed Company
• EB105: If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother
• EB106: How To Act Younger Than Your Mother
• EB107: Apologizing For Farting When You're On The Toilet Is Not Necessary

General Electives

• GE101: You, The Whining Sex
• GE102: Why You Don't Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every Weekend
• GE103: Payday And Shopping Are Not Synonymous
• GE104: Female Friendship - Why Your Best Friends Are Not The Women Who Complain About You The Most
• GE105: Learning To Appreciate Beer Belly And Lard Butt Morphologies Of Men

Home Economics

• HE101: You Can Change The Oil Too
• HE102: How To Properly Fill A Beer Mug
• HE103: How To Do All Your Laundry In One Load And Have More Time To Watch Football
• HE104: How To Encourage Your Husband To Cook More And Be Able To Stomach His Slop
• HE105: Get A Life - Learn To Kill Spiders Yourself
• HE106: How To Close The Garage Door
• HE107: How To Close The Top On The Toothpaste
• HE108: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
• HE109: Why Going To The Bathroom Is Not A Group Activity
• HE110: Overcoming "The Imelda Syndrome" (formerly called "How Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?")

Interpersonal Relationships

• IR101: Understanding The Female Causes Of Male Drunkenness
• IR102: If You Don't Want An Excuse, Don't Demand An Explanation
• IR103: Romanticism - The Whole Point Of Caviar, Candles, And Conversation
• IR104: Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy Watching "The Three Stooges"
• IR105: Marriage - The Number One Cause Of Divorce

Life Skills

• LS101: Combatting The Impulse To Nag
• LS102: Parenting - Your Husband Gave You Children So You Could Have Someone Other Than Him To Boss Around
• LS103: Balancing A Checkbook - Even You Can Get It Right
• LS104: Comprehending Credit Card Spending Limits And Financial Responsibility
• LS105: Shopping - Doing It In Less Than 16 Hours
• LS106: How To Go Fishing With Your Mate And Not Catch Pneumonia
• LS107: Living Without Power Windows - How To Turn A Crank
• LS108: How To Retain Your Composure While Your Husband Is Relaxing By Himself
• LS109: You Too Can Carry A Backpack
• LS110: Dress Like A Slut And Put On Something Sexy - Why It Won't Ruin Your Brain
• LS111: Attainable Goal - Catching A Ball Before It Stops Moving
• LS112: How To Remain Femininely Enticing And Attractive After Menopause
• LS113: How To Parallel Park

Sex Education

• SE101: Reasons To Give Head To Your Man
• SE102: How To Stay Awake During Sex And Imagine That It Lasted For Over 10 Minutes
• SE103: Fall Semester: You Can Use A Bed For More Than Just Sleep Spring Semester: It's Okay To Do It Outside Of The Bedroom
• SE104: How To Say "Yes" More Often
• SE105: How To Say "No" But Really Mean "Yes"
• SE106: Lingerie - The Gift That Keeps On Giving
• SE107: Sexual Alternatives For "That Time Of The Month" (formerly called "Any Old Port In A Storm")
• SE108: Foreplay (not a required course, for extra credit only)

Science definitions from Kids...

H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

When you smell a oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

Three kinds of blood vessels are: arteries, vanes, and caterpillers.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.

Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is that it is something to hitch meat to.

A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.

The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the Moon, because there is no water in the Moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the Sun joins this fight.

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

Equator: a managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.

Germinate: to become a naturalized German.

Liter: a nest of young puppies.

Magnet: something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

Planet: a body of earth surrounded by sky.

Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.

For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

For a head cold, use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

What was King Arthur's favourite game?
→ Knights and crosses!

What does a Gorilla learn first in school?
→ The Apey-cees!

Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?
→ Because education pays off in the long run!

How do Religious Education teachers mark exams?
→ With spirit levels.

One day the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday the teacher asks: "How many grains of sand are on the beach?" needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class: "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated little Johnny decides that the next Friday he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.

So Thursday night Johnny takes 2 ping pong balls and paints them black. The next day he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day just when the teacher says, "here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.

The teacher says, "ok, who's the comedian with the black balls?"

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!"