School — most viewed jokes

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first.

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God." The teacher praises the little girl, as a little boy raised his hand.

The little boy says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love." "Very good" said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no", she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?"

Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first. He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'"

This just in: A well known college professor has been arrested and accused of putting marijuana in the food that seagulls consume. When asked why he did this he stated - "I want to leave no tern unstoned"

"Where's your pencil, Bud?" the teacher asked an American boy who had just come to school in Britain.

- I ain't got one, Sir.

- You're in England now, Bud. Not ain't, haven't. I haven't got a pencil. You haven't got a pencil. They haven't got a pencil.

- Gee! Pop said things were tough in this country, but I didn't know pencils were so hard to come by.

What does the 1286BC inscribed on the mummy's tomb indicate?
→ The registration of the car that ran him over!

Here is a list of the ways professors here at the American University grade their final exams:

Dept Of Statistics: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.

Dept Of Psychology: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.

Dept Of History: All students get the same grade they got last year.

Dept Of Religion: Grade is determined by God.

Dept Of Philosophy: What is a grade?

Law School: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.

Dept Of Mathematics: Grades are variable.

Dept Of Logic: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.

Dept Of Computer Science: Random number generator determines grade.

Music Department: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note ( and - would be sharp and flat respectively).

Dept Of Physical Education: Everybody gets an A

What did Napoleon become when he was 41 years old?
→ A year older on his birthday!

- Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class?

- Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips!

Why did the piglets get in trouble in their biology class?
→ They ate all the specimens.

- Dad: Why is your January report card so bad?

- Son: Well, you know how it is. Things are always marked down after Christmas!

- Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?

- Must have been a duck family.

- A duck family?

- Didn't you say there was a quack in it!