Political Jokes — most viewed jokes

There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs.
One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: "What do you use to feed your pigs?"
"Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?"
"Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don't feed them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes."
Then he fined the farmer.

Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question.
The farmer answered:
"Well, I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak...why?"
"Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it's unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat."
And he fined the farmer.

Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question.
The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes: "Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want."

Chelsea Clinton was home for Christmas break. She was having lunch with her dear mother, Hillary, just talking about typical girl stuff. Hillary says to Chelsea, "My, my what a fine young lady you have turned out to be. Being a sophomore at Stanford and all, I'm so proud!"

Hillary proceeds to give Chelsea a hug then speaks softly and asks her a question. "Say, I was just wondering since you're all grown up now. Have you, um, had sex yet?".

Chelsea ponders and contemplates then responds.

"Um, not according to dad."!

One Day The President was out jogging without his guards.

All of a sudden a man with a ski mask jumped out from behind some bushes with a gun.

The masked man said "Give me all your money!"

Unwilling to do so, the President said, "You can't do this, I'm the President!" The man then replied,...

"Oh, never mind then. Give me MY money!"

Why does Hillary Clinton Wake Up At 5:30 Every Morning?
→ To Make Sure That She Is The First Lady!

Capitalism, Socialism, and Communism have a meeting for tea at noon.

Capitalism and Communism arrive on time, but Socialism is nowhere to be found. Finally he arrives, out of breath and apologetic.

"I'm sorry," says Socialism, "I was standing in line for sausage."

Capitalism says - "What's a line?"

And Communism says - "What's a sausage?"

Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on couch: "Nonsense! No way does everyone in the world hate you -- everyone in the US perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."

Sung to the Oscar Mayer? song:
His baloney has a first name,
It's "I did not inhale."

His baloney has a second name:
"I wasn't getting tail."

He loves to sling it every day,
The White House people all just say,
That Billy Clinton has a way
Of making bullshit sound OK!

What do you get when you have 50 politicians and 50 lesbians in a room?
→ 100 people that don't do dick!!

A rich lady from California, who was a tree hugger and a vociferous anti- hunter, purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.

In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest country doctor. Being a hunter himself, the doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded, What took you so long? He smiled and then told her, Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area and I am sorry, because they all turned me down!!

One day Bill Clinton was walking down the beach when he found a genie lamp. He rubbed it and a genie came out. He said to Bill "You have one wish."

Bill Clinton cried "But I thought you were supposed to have three wishes!" "Well you are the most powerful man in the world so I only allow one for you," replied the Genie.

Bill Clinton thought hard and said "Bring peace to the middle east." He took out a map to show the Genie.

The genie said "Nope. Can't do that choose another wish." This next wish came up right away.

"I want the WHOLE world to love Monica Lewinsky as much as I do" The Genie stared at him with a raised an eyebrow. The Genie replied quickly "Um...can I take a look at that map again?"