Random joke from this category
Little Susie was Mommy's helper. She helped set the table when company was due for dinner. Soon, everything was on, Mr. Smythe the guest came in, and everyone sat down.
Then Mother noticed something was missing....
"Susie, dear," she said, "You didn't put a knife and fork at Mr. Smythe's place."
"But, Mommy, I thought he wouldn't need them," explained Susie. "Daddy says he always eats like a horse!"
Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale.
Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.
- Dad: Don't be selfish. Let your brother use the sled half the time.
- Son: I do, Dad. I use it going down the hill and he gets to use it coming up!
There was this lady who was in the shower & her little boy walked in on her taking a shower & he saw her pubic hairs & says: "Mommy what's that?" as he pointed down to her.
"Well, that's Mommy's washcloth."
The next day he walked in on her again, & asked her again & she says it was her washcloth. Well, this time when he walked out she shaved it off because she got tired of him asking.
So the next day when he walked in on her, he asks: "Mommy what happened to your washcloth?"
"Uh, Mommy lost it." So the little boy walked out.
The next day he walked in on his mom & says: "Hey Mommy, the maid found your washcloth & she is washing Daddy's face with it!"
A little girl asks her Mom, "May I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom says, "No honey, the dog is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your Father. I think he's in the garage".
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you".
Her Dad said, "Bring Susie over here".
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it and said, "Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block".
The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Her Dad asks, "Where's Susie?"
The girl replies, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there's another dog pushing her home!"
What does a monster mom say to her kids at dinnertime?
→ Don't talk with someone in your mouth.
What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
→ Your mother ate us out of house and home.
What do young ghosts call their parents?
→ Deady and Mummy.
There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat.
Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"
Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions.
- Son: Father, Can I ask you a question?
- Father: Ok ask.
- Son: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor.
- Father: !!!??????!!!
