Men Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why don't women have any brains?
→ Because they don't have any testicles to put them in.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
→ They're married.

The following information was gained through much arduous research involving men and women from all backgrounds and walks of life. It consists of the most frequently asked questions of women (i.e. relationships, sex and life in general). All women who read this are encouraged to use the wisdom contained therein to change their behavior in accordance with the truths established below.

How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
→ Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.

Should I have sex on the first date?
→ YES. Before if possible.

What exactly happens during the act of sex?
→ Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.

How long should the sex act last?
→ This is a natural & normal part of nature, so don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. After you've finished making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, & go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol & sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies. Don't feel left out - while he's gone you can busy yourself by doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.

What is "after play"?
→ After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly energy. "After play" is simply a list of important activities for you to do after lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out and buy him an expensive gift.

Does the size of the penis matter?
→ Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male penis measures about three inches. Anything longer than that is extremely rare and if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and thank your lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment and/or buying him an expensive gift.

What about the female orgasm?
→ What about it? There's no such thing. It's a myth!

How could Will Rogers say, "I never met a man I didn't like"?
→ He never had to date one.

A single man in his 40's often has a problem finding women at his level of maturity. That's why he dates someone half his age.

What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
→ Sexual harassment.

Why do hunters make the best lovers?
→ Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.

Did you hear that they are going to stop circumcising men?
→ They discovered they were throwing away the best part.

The men who do make it to Heaven are going to have a rude awakening up there when they find out two things: God is a woman...and she nailed down all of Heaven's toilet seats!

Why can't men get mad cow disease?
→ Because they're all pigs.