Men Jokes — most viewed jokes

What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
→ A power failure.

A man can actually cater to a woman's every need, so long as all that she wants is to have sex, go to ball games, and bring him a beer.

Men are like road kill.
They usually just lie around until they start to smell.

Anniversaries and birthdays
Complicate my life.
I'm an absent-minded husband
Of a present-minded wife.

How does a real man know whenever his girlfriend is having an orgasm?
→ A real man doesn't care.

How are husbands like lawn mowers?
→ They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.

What's the easiest way for a wife to cause hearing loss in her husband?
→ Say she wants to talk to him.

Not only is she a little young, but you're sure that you used to date her mother....

You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little league with her....

She has a thicker moustache than you....

When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions....

You jokingly ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation of her parole....

Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system....

You are the first guy that she's gone out with that isn't her cousin....

At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic....

She beats up some guy for making fun of your hair cut....

You wake up the next morning with a wicked hang-over. In the bed next to you is Janet Reno....

At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house, and her pimp is waiting there with your bill....

She keeps staring at you all through dinner, then finally asks if you want to meet satan....

She constantly complains that her cat won't stop laughing at her....

She informs you that you can't go out again because her spirit guide doesn't like you....

She informs you that you can't go out again because her boyfriend doesn't like you.

Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men?
→ No phone numbers.

There is a drunk driver. He goes and hits a car with a woman driving it. Whos fault is it?
→ The Woman's, she should of never left the kitchen!